am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
