Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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