HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
