Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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