Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
