She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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