i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
