her vagine was all disorganized.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
