When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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