We're facebook friends in real life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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