Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.

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(815): View more from Illinois

What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?

Fav 34 2590 3365
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(713): View more from Texas

I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...

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(713): View more from Texas

well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!

(218): View more from Minnesota

I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.

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(319): View more from Iowa

dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?

Fav 6 1549 688
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(785): View more from Kansas

There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.

Fav 1 697 534
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(213): View more from California

I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.

Fav 0 265 184
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(703): View more from Virginia

i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house

Fav 0 52 22
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