i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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