Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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