i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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