Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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