Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
