Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
