I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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