I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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