I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
