Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize