if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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