but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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