I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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