If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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