I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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