Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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