My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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