I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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