Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
