There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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