he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
