Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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