hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
