His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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