Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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