So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
