dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
do herpes really smell.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
