I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
