Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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