He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
