yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
