if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
