I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just blew my weed a kiss
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
