he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize