I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
