But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
