Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
false alarm, still single
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
