he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
