weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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