Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Vodka?
Forever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
