Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
