Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
