How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
