I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
