Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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