my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Screwed.edu
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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