I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize