mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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