Pants 0. Shit 1.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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