i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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