so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
