Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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