theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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